IndieBiz - Introverted and Entrepreneurial

Every two weeks or so I get a phone call from my aunt and, and sometimes my uncle too, checking in and offering me a sounding board for my Indyish plans and problems. My aunt Marion has all kinds of corporate experience and training in “leadership coaching” including Myers Briggs and emotional intelligence and organizational communication. At first I was skeptical, as you can read here, but her insightful questions were consistently helpful, and I’m a big believer in the idea that there’s knowledge waiting for us everywhere we might take the care to look, so I’ve carried on with these friendly chats with much gratitude.

One the many things she’s offered me are some new ideas on is what it means to be introverted or extroverted, not something I’d ever given much thought to before. I guess I just assumed that because I liked to talk to people on public transit, and often ended up in a leadership position in school projects and part time jobs I was probably an extrovert and anyway, who cares. When she taught me a bit more about the actual difference in personality types I started to realign a lot of my thinking about how I conduct myself and my business and it’s actually turned out to be very helpful. Because I think what it suggests is there is a whole layer of business that goes on between introverts that just doesn’t make it into conventional wisdom about how to “be successful,” and this can open up a lot of possibility for indie’s coming up feeling like they have to play the game one way though they frankly, simply, are not built for it.

Let’s start with a tweak to the definition of introvert and extrovert, this again coming from my conversations with Marion and before that probably from a world of study that I don’t know much about.

On first blush I think most folks assume, like I did, that extroverts are loud, introverts are quiet, and a whole range of other black vs white distinctions line up alongside this one like: friendly vs shy, brave vs cowardly, social vs anti social, connected vs lonely, cheerleader vs loser.. and so on.

Photo by James Black

But these kinds of simplistic binaries are lame, boring, misleading, and totally unnatural. What goes on in real life is a lot more complicated and the crucial difference here hangs on the definition. Turns out what most clearly defines an introvert or an extrovert has nothing to do with their popularity or bravery and is instead about where they get their energy. An introvert gets their energy from alone time, introspection, quiet. This fuels them for their interactions with others, and once fuelled they can be the life of the party or a rock star or a community organizer. An extrovert gets energy from action and connection with others. In order for them to build up the energy required for a solitary task they’ll need to spend time communicating, giving and taking with others, talking and taking action. If they don’t get enough of the energy they need, then they will find a quiet task, like reading or being asked to sit and consider an issue, exponentially exhausting where an introvert might come out of the same kind of experience high and happy and ready to go.

Remember that this one characteristic doesn’t come near defining any single individual, we all have lots of other impulses and values that complicate the issue. In my own case I realized I put a very high value on connection with other people, it fits into my personal morality to talk with people on the bus or to help people in a group find common ground, but while it gives me joy it doesn’t give me energy. If I don’t give myself hours of silence I can’t process my thoughts or have the energy to do the work I love. If I don’t have enough time to think about what I’m doing I can’t feel good about doing it. And the opposite is true of my sister - a very talented math and science student she realized recently that though she may seem like the quiet one in many social situations she actually needs a lot of interaction with others to feel healthy and energetic and able to face her quiet studies. She needs contact with the world to face the time spent alone, to remember it’s value and feel energized about it and oriented.

How does this relate to Indie Biz? Well for one thing, figure out what you are and don’t beat yourself up about it. Networking for the sake of it when it exhausts you and makes you uncomfortable is not worthwhile. Giving your introverted self permission to just sit and think, despite a Protestant work ethic telling you you should be multi-tasking, will improve your overall well being and help you be more efficient when you do decide to act, if you’e wired that way.

If you are exhausted by the idea of going out and seeing people and “networking” you don’t need to feel guilty or weak. Take a nap, spend an afternoon in a library, store up the solitude that will help you have the juice for a few hours of face time. And then make sure you pursue only the interactions that meet your values. Introverts can’t usually shmooze just for the sake of it, or the fun of it, and that’s OK. I need a goal and a timeframe - I am going to this mixer because there is 1 person in specific I want to meet and 3 others that I would very much like to talk with, and others in the room who I don’t know yet but who will be interested in certain subjects I am interested in because that is the context for this event. So I will go for 20 to 40 minutes, if possible I will leave quietly without saying good byes, and then I’ll go to the museum by myself. Under these conditions I can be very communicative and high energy, but usually only for a relatively short period of time. (and on the Indie Love side of things - I can’t date an extrovert, I don’t think, or have never done so successfully for long, it’s completely draining. I need to be with someone who needs the alone time as much as I do.)

Another thing this new knowledge explained for me : I have a very hard time going to see a band or a play and talking with other people in the audience. My energy in that situation is completely and quickly taken up absorbing what the artists are putting out and often I would rather be alone, or with friends who know me well and don’t need “getting to know you” chit chat. And because of this I almost never do after parties.

Once you learn why you have certain reactions it’s a lot easier to navigate them and put yourself in positive situations. And introverts know, or should know, there’s millions of us out there. There are millions of other hugely creative and even ambitious people who get their energy from quiet, and who are much more likely to be interested in communicating with someone who gets their vibe. Emailing these people will work better then calling or approaching them, and if you can adjust your communication style to a leisurely back and forth that leaves lots of room for them to step into the quiet, then it’s possible you’ll discover some pure gold. And if you’re an introvert you’ll be perfectly suited to do just that.