Indie Love - Do you want monogamy?

It would be a mistake to assume that everyone wants monogamy, or that heterosexual monogamy is the best way to be because of some sort of cosmic Create Progeny! priority, at least if your circles are at all alternative or indie or in any way diverse or contemporary. That mode is outdated for many. Despite my own 7+ years of sexy sexy monogamy I wouldn’t even say this is necessarily the best way to be, it’s just what suits me. There is an argument to made that committing to one person means focusing in and weaking, or at least not developing and strengthening in some ways, your relationships with others. Maybe even that monogamy can accelerate biases and a blinkered world view if you get two people together who are perpetuating shared stereotypes, unaware that their agreement on the error doesn’t make it true.

It may be that monogamy is not for you, that what you need are multiple trusting relationships with layers of sex and love and openness overlapping and interconnecting you to wider and wider circles of humanity.

Or it may be that you want to work to discover humanity with one constant ally at your side (at least in spirit,) that you feel your life requires at least this one element of promised constancy on which to build.

Or it may be that you were open to all things, swinging, switch hitting, and then BANG one day you fell in love, and now the two of you are making it all up as you go along but can’t resist continuing on together because you’re having too much damn fun.

Either way, let’s be honest, it’s a choice you make and remake almost daily. Assessing, do I want to experience the jolt of the new and ever new and potentially better that’s in the next bed over; or do I want to know what 10 years feels like?

Any and all of these can make the people suited to them profoundly happy and able to add to the world’s sum total of good, I am certain. What creates agony is a mismatch of desires, and what creates tragedy is when a mismatch is perpetuated, when we lie to ourselves about what we really want and pass the lies on to our lovers wasting everybody’s time. You can’t have your ideal if you can’t see it, say it, lay claim to it. If all the trendy kids are swingers but you want marriage then say it, sweetheart, don’t be ashamed; and if monogamy is nowhere near where you need to be right now then own that, and boldly buddy. Find your own way to be ok, and that’s what we’ll call indie love (for today.)