Climb Every Mountain???

Ladies and gentlemen, I am in a conundrum.

I just got an email from my darling mother, subject-heading “Your Chance to Climb Every Mountain.” In it was a link to this:
Who Will Be the Next Maria Von Trapp?

In short, David Mirvish and Andrew Loyd Webber are producing a big-arse “Sound of Music” in Toronto, scheduled to open at the legendary Princess of Wales Theatre in October 2008. In conjunction with this, CBC and Temple Productions are producing a televised, nationwide search for the perfect Maria. It’s the classic Idol formula: casting directors tour cities, young hopefuls audition, the public votes for the winners in the finals.

There is not a bone in my body that would consider setting foot in Canadian (or American) Idol audition venue. I fiercely believe that overnight fame is dangerous for artistic growth, personal growth, and for PR. I have no interest in singing the kind of music on those shows. I would be humiliated to have my face and name associated with those productions, even if for just a quick glimpse in a waiting line.

But…guys, this is The Sound of frikkin’ Music. This is my dream.

Let me list the reasons why I am considering auditioning:

1) I have always, always loved this musical more than life itself. It is on my favorite movie list on every myspace, facebook and friendster profile I’ve ever filled out. I rewatched it not even a month ago and nearly died of happiness. It is in my blood.

2) I have a decent voice for Maria. Stylistically, I fit the bill.

3) I have an acting background, as well as a background in classical singing. Both obvious assets.

4) PLAYING MARIA IN SOME (I don’t care which) PRODUCTION OF “THE SOUND OF MUSIC” IS ON MY LIST OF THINGS TO DO BEFORE I DIE.

And now, the reasons why I wouldn’t:

1) The whole artistic-integrity thing. I wouldn’t want to show up to an audition surrounded by camera crews and casting crew-members treating us like dirt. I like to think that I’m better than all those fame-craved naive non-artists who line up to audition for anything that promises overnight fame and attention. Seriously, I have serious mixed feelings about appearing, even briefly, on a reality show about becoming a star.

2) I’d have to miss a choir rehearsal to do the first audition. Then if I got a callback I’d probably have to take at least a week off to go live in a hotel or somethin’ with live cameras in the bathroom stalls. And then if I actually GOT the part of Maria, well..then I’d have to, like, drop everything for the summer. And the Fall. And for the next few years.

3) (an extention of 2) Do I want to drop everything for the next few years? I mean, I’m in school right now and I like it a lot. I have a few really cool jobs, I love my apartment and roommates, I have a few great music projects going on. I want to go to California this summer and I want to be at the Montreal and Toronto Fringe Festivals. I want to do a Master’s degree in the next couple of years. In short, I LIKE my life now. There are things in the near and distant future that I’m LOOKING forward to.

Am I prepared to let my life radically change overnight? By just auditioning, I am saying Yes to the chance of that sudden change.

There’s this notion of “The Big Break” that looms over the heads of performing artists. Bands, actors, musicians never know if their career might suddenly “take off,” whatever that means. And while the best of us find ways to enjoy the journey regardless, there is this sense that some unpredictable ball of luck might fall into our laps at any moment, messianically fulfilling our destiny. That unpredictable fortune is supposed to be the thing we live for. Ideally, it comes after years of hard work and mastery, though it may feel in the moment that it comes out of nowhere. But it is unpredictable, and something no artist can count on getting (the ones that do are the ones whose hearts get broken the worst). “Fame” is a dangerous and undefinable goal. It’s taken a lot for me to get over my misguided teenage ambition of “being famous” for fame’s sake; now, more than anything, I just want to feel fulfilled.

I personally think I’d be a great Maria. I think I’m decently qualified - not the most qualified, but it wouldn’t be out of left field. And it’d be a heck of a thing to add to my list of cool random jobs. But…is auditioning for something this big really realistic for me? Is it unprofessional of me to audition for sentimental purposes, rather than serious career intent? And, let’s say they offered me the part - would that career ambition appear suddenly?

By auditioning, would I be climbing every mountain til I found my dream? Or would I foolishly be trying to keep a wave upon the sand…?