I really think this one, which I (not he) have dubbed A Poem, speaks rightly and perfectly. (Well played, Ted!)

(Also, why not give everyone an excuse to relive their Sun Ra Arkestra memories?)

And now, what I title “On the Futility of Categorizing Jazz” (though it really only addresses Miles Davis and Sun Ra), by Ted T.

As our mini-groups merged into a collective on a nearby patio, where we had a decent view of the Jazz Fest site entrance/exit on Jeanne-Mance, we launched into a discussion of the Jazz Fest, festivals in general, and the state of so-called “crowd control” in Montreal. Yes, the city is supposedly all for it, but what is crowd control and who is it really helping? As a stark contrast to the fenced-in site we’re experiencing now, several of us remembered Jazz Festivals in years past where we could walk through the entire festival freely, at will, without being directed by security guard after security guard through the underground city and around the circumference of the site five times before being “let in” to a closed-off area that normally acts as public space.

Those of us who grew up in Montreal remembered walking through the Jazz Fest as children, enjoying the music surrounded by family, friends, and strangers. If I had a young child, would I have brought her to the show last night? Sure, if we had a safe spot on a rooftop that was still close enough to hear the band! I don’t think I’d voluntarily bring a child into any crowd situation like last night’s.

The problem wasn’t the size of the crowd itself. Seriously, what better way to celebrate Canada Day or finish up birthday celebrations than with a big downtown festival concert with a great homegrown band? You have to expect big numbers at events like this. Other “big music events” do crowd control just fine — take our own Osheaga as an example. Last year, we had four stages, all far enough away from each other to allow ample open space for people to wander but with clearly marked signs and maps and obvious entrances. No concession or merch stands ever got in the way of crowd movement. There were thousands of people there, but I never felt crowded. But by the time I escaped the tunnel-crowd last night, I was about ready to start taking hostages.

The festival site planners created narrow, slow-moving corridors of people on streets with no exit routes save for intersections. If there was a panic in the middle of the crowd, no one would be able to get out fast or get help in. This was the kind of crowd where you had to make a decision upon entering the site: either stay a block or two away and have room to breathe, or accept that once inside the crowd you will never leave. And you might pass out — from what we heard from friends who passed by our patio as their made their escapes, people were certainly doing that last night.

So either the planners were idiots and didn’t anticipate a large crowd for Bran Van 3000 on Canada Day, or they did but didn’t care. Guys, if you’re going to have an event that will draw a huge crowd, make sure your event site can handle it.

By the way, where was any sort of official enforcement on this? Who greenlighted this? Who didn’t notice the obvious hazards of the Jazz Fest’s crowd control but lectures the Fringe Festival on having music equipment — like speakers at the outdoor site — that could catch on fire? Really, well, doesn’t the Jazz Fest also have speakers chilling outdoors?

By the time we were on Vinyl’s patio, able to hear ’90s classic “Drinking in L.A.” from Bran Van’s set in the background, we’d had enough of staring at the crowd down Jeanne-Mance in awe and horror. But the question still lingers: who is “crowd control” helping, really?

“The show” is The Handy Man Can. From the program’s blurb, I expected a crime drama; that’s exactly what Houdiniman Productions delivered… along with quite a few surprises! The play opens with two shady characters, one clearly far more afraid than the other, discussing the criminal predicament they’re in. Their discussion turns to the man who is quite likely hunting them down: the Handy Man, an infamous assassin believed to work for their boss, who may or may not be an urban legend. Saro Saroyan is immediately lovable as Rex, the simple worker who really didn’t want to be involved in crime in the first place.

Quite a change from the shows I’ve been seeing recently! The Handy Man Can is dark. D-A-R-K. The script touches on some incredibly sensitive subject matter. Thankfully, director/playwright Eric Weiss crafted a narrative that, while intense, never takes itself so overly seriously that it becomes a bother. Instead, the audience is given a suspenseful, edge-of-your seat “action play” where the words are quick, the gunshots are loud, and the ending isn’t set in stone until the lights go out. Granted, some dialogue-heavy scenes seem to drag on despite the fast-paced smartspeak, but there’s something to be said for the pushing the needle just a little too far and then grabbing the audience’s attention with an unexpected change of focus.

I’m a huge CSI fan. Bordering on ridiculously nerdy levels, actually. So when I see something crime-related, I pretty much automatically try to figure it out. And while I scored a few “good calls” during The Handy Man Can, I couldn’t pinpoint the ending until it happened. Who would have the heart of gold in the end? Who would live, if anyone? Were any “predictable” endings plausible?

Let’s just say that when the climax came, I jumped in my seat. And possibly made a noise. I could give you the plot, I suppose, since Fringe is now over… but I ain’t gonna. I don’t know if the show is touring the Fringe circuit so I don’t want to be the one that gives it all away! Instead, if you get a chance in the future, check out The Handy Man Can or other productions by this team. You won’t regret it.

In short, the 24-Hour Zine Thing is a loosely-defined “event” where by the deadline (which may be 31 July, though the site’s extensive FAQ lists that as the 2007 date so far while it’s still getting updated) individual participants (no teams allowed) must submit a zine they created in 24 continuous hours, from concept to final bound product. No brainstorming topics beforehand. No pre-layout. No help. And while there is a time limit, there’s no rules about when these 24 hours have to occur, as long as they’re done by the deadline (i.e. you don’t have to commit to a specific date when you may or may not be able to devote a full 24 hours).

Why did I sign up for this, given that I’ve never made a zine before in my life? First, for a fun, creative challenge. Second, but of equal importance, as a means of therapy for my deadline phobia. I’m one of those people who have trouble figuring out when a project is “finished” — be it a painting, an article, or a zine! — and when deadlines are looming, I’m always afraid that my product won’t be “final,” or worse, not good enough. The 24-Hour Zine Thing gives me a limited amount of time, the same time that everyone else participating will have, and I know that challenge will motivate me. I also know that by the 24th hour I will be a loopy, jittery mess, but as long as I’m happy and have a rush from the challenge, then it’ll be OK. I can book off 15 hours for sleeping immediately after.

While we’re talking zines, allow me to plug one of my all-time favourites: The One Who Sews Has the Newer Clothes (A Very Basic Introduction to Machine Sewing) by the House of Worn. The team behind Worn Fashion Journal never stops bringing us infinitely useful goodies! I can’t wait to get a the hand-me-down sewing machine that’s coming my way in August and actually figure this stuff out!

Want to join me? (Well, not in the co-creating way, because that’s not allowed, but more in the “I’ll do it too!” way.)

As soon as I got outside today I knew it was the day to go see the one show the rain’s been keeping me away from: Hanging by a Branch: A circus-theatre fairy tale.

See, Hanging by a Branch isn’t your “traditional” Fringe show, if we must use “traditional” to describe the bulk of Fringe shows. The journey began with a meeting at the garden outside the beer tent, where a fairy tale princess and the king of the forest, the Green Man, gathered our group of 20-odd Fringe-ers, handing out simple musical instruments and ribbons, and led us to the Dream Tree up in Parc Mont-Royal. There, the company — Penny on the Tracks — told a fairy tale with music, dance, theatre, and flying trapeze circus mastery.

I’d expected something magical from the gorgeous makeup and costumes I’d seen, and when I talked to company member Polina about the rainy week, she confirmed it. Remember how the rain’s been incredibly on-and-off, catching us all by surprise? Well, apparently it’s consistently been “off” whenever there was a Hanging By a Branch performance scheduled! This IS a tale about the beauty of nature, but I didn’t realize just how in tune with Mother Earth the team was!

Hanging by a Branch is probably the most positive, uplifting show at the Fringe this year. It’s a charming dose of magic, environmental awareness, and the art of storytelling. Yes, I said “environmental awareness” — but don’t worry, you won’t be hit over the head with any political messages. You’ll just have a great time and leave with a concentrated appreciation of nature’s infinite wisdom.

Penny on the Tracks is a new company that strives to bring circus and theatre together, and to share their works with the masses. Take to the streets (or the parks). As the show ended, the group invited any audience member with projects in mind to have a chat with them. The invitation is always open!

If all that isn’t enough: the show is also free.

Yes, the rain’s still coming, to the point that Beer Tent Manager Shaun today chided me for even saying the word. Whoops. Not my fault! But rain or no rain, this is Fringe, part of festival season in Montreal, and there’s no way we’re going to be washed out of the Plateau any time soon.

On the plus side, I discovered a secret antidote to a rainy day: the sunny songs and dance of Lard. I couldn’t help but be excited for the show after the super friendly and generous ladies behind the production provided weary Fringe-ers with delectable pancakes on Sunday! But for argument’s sake, let’s pretend I’m allergic to pancakes. Would I have been enticed, say, by the secret piggy-pin sisterhood announced back at the beer tent? Or perhaps by the preview the ladies gave us all for free that immediately promised a bright, funny comedy aping Grease complete with food porn? Yes, yes I would have.

Big Moves put together a fantastic show. I know this is Fringe and sets are often minimal — though Lard’s came with french fries, pancakes, and punch bowls! — but as I watched and laughed through the show, my eyes took on a life of their own and created fancy locations (really as if it was a film editor to a green screen set). If nothing else, Lard woke up my own cheery imagination and let it play. As it went its own way, the rest of me experienced Lard as a witty comedy, a light love story, a dance club, a social commentary, and an appetizer all in one. Phew! This group of women love what they do and it shows. Even though some performers really did have a-maze-ing voices, it’s really refreshing to see a group use the full range of its members’ talents, share unfailing chemistry, and just go for it.

Lard had me and the entire audience in stitches. Who wasn’t dancing in their seat or clapping along? Who didn’t run out after the show and get mega-fruit and chocolate sauce crepes? (Or was that just me?) So, if it rains tomorrow, the day after, etc… Know that a sure cure lies in Lard!

Water, water everywhere, but not a drop to drink? After a brief trip up and down the waterlogged Main Madness and a new dress, I kept the high rollers coming by seeing A Leave of Absinthe. Is it just me, or is the Fringe astoundingly overall brilliant this year? Here are four talented actors (and a doll) tasked with imparting the wisdom (or woes, if you prefer) of the green fairy to each other and to us lucky audience members. A Leave of Absinthe currentyl holds the title (from me, at least) of “Best group movement choreography and most obviously well-rehearsed.” This show is a trip that you don’t want to end, a dark comedy set in 1888 where audience members truly join the players, straight from start to finish, on their fairy tale-esque journey down the watering hole.

Gifted actors. Beautiful lighting. Simple but most effective stage design. Oscar Wilde. Songs. Gleaming green drinks. Absinthe is in a world of its own, and telling you more before you see the show would be criminal.

Beer downed and hugs had, I dashed across the street from Parc des Ameriques to see ‘Beth (playing at venue 4, CACQM). I had high hopes for this 60-minute Scottish play takeoff, and as evident by the near-full house, I wasn’t alone. Then again, Angela Potvin plays the female lead, so who wouldn’t? Potvin is a force to be reckoned with. As new widow Elizabeth, she owns the stage with every step and drags the audience with every word deeper and deeper into her murderous rage of mourning and greed. But ‘Beth isn’t a solo show; her male co-star (who plays her son) holds his own rather well. Right now I’m cursing the Fringe program for not including performers’ names… because I never knew his and can’t find it now. Well! All the more reason for YOU to go see ‘Beth and get back to me on that!

With 30 minutes for chilling between shows, I caught a bit of Dramaturkey, which was a nice surprise! After a long, cold afternoon of empty tables, the Fringe park had filled up to weekend levels as Montreal playwrights and actors presented their worst writings. Glad I saw what I could — hilarity was there for all!

Another block west along Rachel brought me to venue 8, the Ecohosting stage at the Santa Cruz Mission, where I was so, so glad I got a front row seat for SHOSHINZ and Cherry Typhoon! Okay, so you’ve already heard about the show from Sylvain. But here’s a second dose of “Go see this now” just in case you haven’t yet. Of course, we’re talking about yet another packed venue here, so there’s a pretty good chance you already have. My version of a recap: Here are two adorably energetic maids, SHOSHINZ (which means “shy people”) who moonlight as governesses but really just want to blast some music and play. “Play” could mean song, dance, or vegetables (really). Cherry Typhoon, a burlesque dancer, ups the sexy factor with a few stripteases. My new Fringe friend Kristen and I were literally dancing in our seats! Go, go, go now!

Now, to warm up after a chilly bike ride home… back to work on my first Sun Ra Arkestra @ Fringe-inspired painting.

Guess we’ve learned a lot since last year, when we were all taken by surprise with a torrential downpour. At least the Art Markets aren’t here this weekend!

It’s been a long afternoon and I’m starting to feel that late-in-the-Fringe-day demand from my head: Please lie down, or feed me something that isn’t Red Bull. I guess I didn’t really learn that lesson from Friday after all.

Skipping rapidly over that failure, here are some highlights from my day holding down the Indyish tent-like fort while I wait for that darn thunderstorm…

Willow Rutherford’s duet with Poe. Poe is a small child, an adorable and lucky boy who gets to spend Fathers’ Day with his dad at the Fringe! And then to go up on stage for an impromptu duet with Willow and her accordion — even his sea monster toy got to be on stage! If this kid can remember the lyrics he’s learning on the spot via whispers from Willow, maybe there’s hope for the rest of us after all!

Shaun’s critique of present society: “Do you really need your coffee cup to warn you that the contents may be hot?”

Seeing Tristan’s photos from the free jam with Sun Ra Arkestra on Friday — get ready for some wonderful images to come! (This was especially exciting as we weren’t sure we could save them from a serious formatting issue with the memory card. Go raw images!)

Doing the Sunday NY Times crossword with floating crowds of people. This all began while I was trying to find someone who knew Harry Potter (I don’t — so sue me!) to figure out a clue. Thanks, Tim Rabnett and Mike Paterson for saving the day!

Impromptu comedy from the Harry Potter-knowing, gay cowboy-lovin’ duo, Tim and Mike.

Discussing digital cameras with a few snap-happy Fringers as I continue my quest to make these posts more interesting with illustrations. The picture I have above was taken with my computer’s camera. This one down here? It’s an LOLcat I made the other day of my cat Scarlett. (Yep, you caught me being super-nerdy.) But it’s annoying toting it around as a makeshift camera! Grr. I’m getting me a more compact somethin’.

Tomorrow: I start seeing actual SHOWS! Hurrah for the power of scheduling!

Here’s how it works, in case you didn’t know:

• preview post appears (such as this one)
• a few days go by, during which Indyish readers decide they want to come to the shows too and get their tickets
• show date comes and we all cheer!
• previewer becomes reviewer (meaning you’ll get to hear all my thoughts on this here show)
• when we blog, you should leave your comments too! Who’d you love? Who’d you not love? (Hate is such a strong word.)

Okay, enough instructions, as Montrealers really don’t need that many when it comes to festivals! Oh, we love festivals, they’re so delectable… Bite into this:

The Luyas + The Banjo Consorsium + Burial Song
(Suoni classifies them as “rock/indie/pop”)
5 June @ Casa del Popolo, 9pm, $7

The Luyas, from Montréal, are Pietro Amato, Stef Schneider and Jessie Stein. So far, they play French horns, guitars, drums, glocks, organs, voices, wurlys, and pianets. They also play in Torngat, Miracle Fortress and Bell Orchestre.

The Banjo Consorsium began in 2005 as a studio project led by multi-instrumentalist Japh. Born into a musical family (his father is a jazz guitarist and his mother is a singer and pianist), he started playing music when he was 5 years old, learning both cello and piano. From punk to folk, prog, techno and electronica, his taste for different genres combine in this neofolk electronic mix.

Burial Song… know what? I don’t know anything about them! Here’s to new discoveries! (But if you do, feel free to comment and tell me what a poor ignorant sap I am.)

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Tickets available by phone or in person at:
Casa Del Popolo / Sala Rossa / SALA Office
4871 boul. St-Laurent
(514) 284-0122

Also at Atom Heart, Cheap Thrills, L’Oblique, Phonopolis

More information on tickets, festival passes, and discounts.