A question of serious-ity

So … last night I played at the centre St Ambroise with the Morph-tet… and many things started occurring to me, some of which I’d love some feedback on.  First off, this whole showing up late thing, that was being debated not too long ago.  As it turns out, our show was in direct competition with game 6 between the habs and the bruins.  Since everyone involved was really Cool (pun intended), we postponed the show by an hour and forty five minutes so that the folks watching the game wouldn’t show up after the opening band (us) had finished.  Now it was actually a pretty neat scene, since Billy Brown (the headliner)brought in an old black and white tv and all the people who showed up on time (meaning when the fliers and posters said the show would start) watched the game together.  What a great atmosphere!  The old fashioned-ness of the room, the game in black and white, with people crowded around the tube, the copious amounts of apricot beer being consumed (I love that stuff!) - everything was perfect.  But the question occurred to me: what if there wasn’t a tv?  What if we decided to start at 9:45 instead on 8, and just have music on in the background while we waited?  Would the “on timers” get irritated?  Would they leave?  Would it reflect poorly on the band?  Would it seem as though we were waiting for the hip “fashionably late” crowd because we want to be heard by them?

This inquisitive mindset locked itself into my psyche for the evening, which is never a good thing for me, since I tend to over think things and get stressed about things over which I have no control anyway.  Then of course, the late arriving band member,  assuming that since the show was starting late, he could also show up late.  Now in theory, there’s no problem with that, since I had told him that he didn’t need to be around for sound check, and just to show up for show time (I assumed that show time meant the old show time, not the new one).  In practice, however, it resulted in Franco stressing out at 8:45, wondering if the MC had been abducted by aliens (or Raelians, which is more scary).  Imagine if you will, the fact that I was considering doing the hip hop songs with me on the mic.  YIKES!  That’s something the world does not need to hear.  Once the MC showed up, I was able to relax again…. for a bit.  Until about three quarters of the way through the 3rd period, when it looked like the game was going into overtime.  Again… the old Proietti mind started racing… how much overtime do we watch?  Shutting of the TV would most definitely get me injured… but waiting until 11 or so to start just didn’t seem reasonable.  It turns out that I didn’t need to worry about that… and the Morph-tet got on stage at about 9:45 with the MC and in front of a crowd that needed some cheering up.

Do you think I could relax at that point?  Shouldn’t all of my fears have been assuaged?  Crowd?  Check.  The “on timers” and “late comers” all in the house.  MC?  Check.  Ready to rock the mic.  Hockey game?  Check.  While the habs did lose, the game was over and people who watched the game at home were showing up as we started.  So… Franco’s relaxed at this point, right?  Well a glance into the audience revealed 3 old band mates (2 of which I didn’t know were coming, I didn’t even know they knew about the show) and one of the best sax players in Canada all looking at me.  Maybe other people don’t wonder about what the audience is thinking, but I can tell you that after every song, I agonizingly analyzed my performance, and my writing skills.  Healthy attitude, eh?

Finally, with two songs left in the set, the band experienced what was in my mind a minor catastrophe.  We false started on a song.  Not once.  Not twice…. but over and over again for what felt like year.  It was probably a minute and a half, but Albert “E=MC2″ Einstein was right - time is relative.  OH THE HUMILIATION!  The thing is … everyone else in the room enjoyed that moment.  I looked out into the crowd, and at my band mates, and saw smiles all around.  No big deal… we got the beginning right and played through the song.  It was met with louder applause than any other song. 

That’s when I started wondering if I take this stuff too seriously.  Art is supposed to be enjoyable, right?  I’m not one of those “suffering geniuses” that broods and thinks that no one appreciates his work… but realized last night that I’m stopping myself from enjoying things with my second guessing and over analysis.   So … the question is, how serious is too serious?  A bit of seriousness is necessary, isn’t it?  I mean, not taking things seriously enough leads to not attaining one’s potential, doesn’t it?  Or is that something that’s been etched into my mind?

Whew… that was a long one.